Happy Advent!

I was holding my second cup of tea while staring at the fireplace and listening to the Christmas songs played on our iTV. It’s quiet a wintry night and I just finished decorating the Christmas tree.

“You know, I was sorting through these pictures back when I had a lot of money”, my husband interrupted from the kitchen. He’s been doing a gallery for his office and the bonus room has been a real mess.

“So, were you happier then than you are now?” asked me.

“I’m no happier than I am now. Money is not everything” he replied.

Then the conversation jumps up to telling him how happy I was then regardless of our family’s financial constraints. I’m talking about those good old days when my Dad will just grab a branch of tree down the hill. Oh, we were so excited to put Christmas balls on it while Mom was busy making lanterns made of crepe paper. The joys it brought to me were different then. The yearning, the joyful hoping and vibrant dreaming were more intense and profound.

“That’s what my Dad kept telling me that the journey is sweeter than the arrival” my husband remarked. How true that is!

I realized life is all about advent. From the moment I wake up in the morning, there’s that joyful hoping in my heart for a meaningful day, a yearning for God’s embrace and a prayer of gratitude and asking for guidance…that I may be His voice or I may be His face in every moment.

I have always looked at life as an adventure, a journey to the unknown. And yes, awareness is my best companion. There’s so much to discover if you’re always attentive. I see ample of hopes in a fog of quiet disappointments, greater excitements of things that I’m about to discern and that the world is filled with endless beauty and possibilities. I always see precious riches I have been given to live, to experience, and to share. And that what keeps me awake, vibrant, young and hopeful! Most of all, it’s a gratitude that while I am worthy there is something worthier and greater than me.

And oh, like you…I’m keeping Christ this Christmas too! Happy Advent!

Pondering

It was a chilly, foggy morning when I noticed a missed call and a voicemail from a friend. I hurriedly listened to her message and in between lines were sobs. I was deeply saddened by the news too. I called her back and wished her sympathy and condolences. She was all the more crying and I was lost for comforting words. Saying goodbyes are always tough.

Then it hit me thinking about her past. Her dark secrets of unhappy married life. I definitely understand and respect her wishes as to why she’d love to keep it to herself. We just live in a small town as you know. It’s always difficult to deal with some not-so-smart neighbors. I can’t help but sigh. As if the whole world was dropped on my shoulders.

I prayed for her safety and that God will give her more strength to be able to carry her cross and continue on her journey. Her perception about marriage is commendable. Sure, it’s easy to love a lovable person but the biggest challenge of the faithful is to love the most unlovable person. It leaves me confused and yet relieved to know that she’s aware of what she’s doing. She had a better understanding of some things and probably had a better grip of reality let alone, marriage.

As much as I wanted to pour in the whole situation but I prefer to keep it anonymous. The whole point is the impact it gave me as this point of my life. Every journey is packed with mysteries and danger. The journey demands we listen, observe, feel the "new" while letting go of the "old". Sure, there’d be challenges. There will be that first challenge; there will be that next challenge; there will be those lifelong challenges. There will be intense trials to endure and upsetting circumstances to meet. They continually will seek to control our own voice into a submissive echo. Sure, it’s a lot harder to paddle against the current. Most of the times, we just let it flow to be able to survive. Yes, surrender is a virtue that one can learn overtime.

Notes for Myself

I woke up early this morning just before my alarm rang. I was thinking of dropping by at the church or maybe say the rosary. I was all dressed up for work and realized I was one hour ahead of my usual schedule (I drive to work around 9:30). Okay, I had time to stop by at the church. I would love to spend some quiet moments at the Adoration chapel but I realized they’re not open till 9AM.

As I was driving through the church’s parking lot, I noticed it’s full. Yes, it’s Wednesday and I know that there are masses everyday at 8:30 but I didn’t realize there’s many people that go to church on weekdays. I can’t help but smile. I don’t know why. I just felt like I’m home. Ah, I missed Wednesday masses.

It was soon that I remembered riding on a bus on Wednesday nights when I was in Taiwan. There are just few people that go to the Wednesday masses. It’s calm and intimate; yet, I thought those were the great moments of my life. All this recollection had been stirred by the fact that I felt a little dry and unbalanced lately. It’s always easy to do something that you’re comfortable with. I mean, I have a good life. My husband loves me. I’m blessed with a big family. I seemed to cope up with life in my own way and my own understanding. However, lately… I felt so blah, so uninspired. Yes, I put my brothers to school. I felt that would be something inspiring. But really, I thought it’s easy. I mean, it’s not easy tossing away all the money I’ve worked for every month but that thought come by so easily. I can’t just close my eyes and pretend they’re fine. Basically, that “call” is normal for me.

What is it really? Glad you asked. I had the slightest idea but I feel like I wanted to do something. Something that’s not “playing it safe”. Something that is significant. I understand I’m not so good at communicating with people socially but I’m determined to change my not-so-significant life right now. I want to be part of this humanity. I don’t want to lock myself in a lonely spot just thinking about myself and my future. Isn’t that what I’ve been dreaming for? Apparently, dreaming and wishful thinking is no less than lip service. It’s about making it happen. And that is work, sometimes a lot of work.

At this point, I recognize trying to get by won’t get me much and seeking only to fit is not living at all. And no, I’m not seeking perfection. I’m seeking significance in life. I can’t continue watching life passes me by. I can’t allow myself rolling down the hill till mosses enfold me and just let the grass grow on my feet. I’m a big girl and I should do what a big girl does, right? So, help me God!

The 10 Commandments for a Long and Peaceful Life

1. Thou shalt not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.

2. Thou shalt not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.

3. Thou shalt face each problem as it comes. You can handle only one at a time.

4. Thou shalt not cross bridges before you get to them, for no one yet has succeeded in accomplishing this.

5. Thou shalt not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.

6. Thou shalt not borrow other people's problems. They can take better care of them than you can.

7. Thou shalt be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hear ideas different from your own. It's very hard to learn something new when you're talking.

8. Thou shalt not try to re-live yesterday for good or ill—it is gone. Concentrate on what is happening in your life today.

9. Thou shalt not become bogged down by frustration, for 50 percent of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive actions.

10. Thou shalt count thy blessings, never overlooking the small ones—for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.

Rain, Rain, I love Rain

Thank God for another day of rain! It’s been raining since yesterday. Everything just looked so clean and the trees, grass seemed so happy. We badly need rain here in California especially on the fire hazard places. Some places in the world might be sick and tired of rain and here I am praising God for the rain. Ironic, isn’t it? To Filipinos, rain right now is just unwelcome after being soaked in a flood and has been wet for weeks now.

Anyway, I’m just amazed at myself being so excited with the change of season. I mean, we don’t feel it much here in CA but definitely it’s something new for me who came from the tropical country where there’s only rainy and sunny season. Most of all, I love fall. It just hints some good family holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Ah, how I love Christmas! I can’t believe I had the same excitement in my heart for as long as I can remember, whenever I think of Christmas holidays.

Day Unto Day

DH picked up B late last night or should I say very early at the airport. He drove to LAX past 11 and came home around 3 in the morning. B just got back from his meeting with one of our major accounts in the East Coast. He’s been in the airport for 4 hours after they canceled his flight. Annoyed by the changing of flight schedules, he just decided to go for the next available flight regardless of time. So, there it is… they both went to bed so late and B still managed to go to work today! Superman that he is! No wonder he makes real good money. He just loved his job and we’re so proud of him. His work ethics is really impressive. DH is now half-retired you know. He shows up here in the office maybe twice a week for a couple of hours. He mostly works at home now. Good for him and I’m even more proud of him. I remembered the times when we were still on the “getting-to-know” stage when he kept telling me how late he went to bed and how early he had to wake up to catch up the East Coast customers. His company had gone so far and we’re ever more grateful for all the blessings!

Overcoming Adversities

With the economy spiraling down, it’s beyond words to describe how badly we are affected by the recent tragedies in Asia especially to my kababayans (countrymen) in the Philippines. It’s quiet depressing to watch the news on TFC and I can only give my fervent prayers to those who were affected and to those who lost their loved ones.

On the brighter side, I’m all the more impressed by the generosity of so may people who helped in one way or another, big or small. Once again, the nation rose amidst adversity and was firmly united. It’s sad to know that we had to be tested first to realize we can do a lot of things if we are united. True enough, every tragedy is another door being opened into something bigger. I’m just hoping that it’ll be an eye-opener for all to continue taking care of each other without dwelling so much on some vanities and cynicism. We all know that the latter doesn’t work, right?

Fight Over Nothing

B had been out of town again for a series of meetings with buyers. Basically, I had to sit, work and answer phone calls at the office. When DH called, I was in the restroom and so A had answered the phone for me. DH freaked out when A told him that he doesn’t know where I’m at. He’s working at the back in the warehouse. Then DH called me on my iPhone but unfortunately, I didn’t hear it. I put it on silent mode. I called him back the moment I saw a missed call. He then asked me, where did I go? Innocently, I said- I’m right here. Then he snapped at me. I didn’t even have a clue why he got so upset. Anyway, he apologized after I explained what happened, why I haven’t answered his calls. He knew I was hurt.

I went to the bank, did some deposits and I arrived with this flower and a post-it-note in my desk.

Still hurt, I managed to ask him if the flowers are real. He said it is real coz his apology is real. That put a smile on my face and we made up! Okay, so much of the dramas, lol!